Psychology Tips for Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships can be tough work, challenging your relationship and your own insecurities. My husband and I have been there and got the postcards. So, speaking from my psychology background and personal experience, here are some Psychology Tips for Long Distance Relationships that will help you through.

4 Psychology Tips for Long Distance Relationships

1. Your level of commitment

Are you on the same page. If you are not at the serious commitment stage of your relationship, that’s of course okay, see how things go. But for those further down the commitment end of things, be clear with each other about where you’re at. If you are feeling pretty sure in your commitment to each other, (that you are prepared to see the long-distance chapter through so that you can be physically together again), then this is huge for soothing each other’s insecurities. Don’t hold back in reassuring to each other if you are pretty confident in your relationship.

2. Make time

I know it doesn’t sound very romantic, but make scheduled time to talk / facetime. The problem to overcome here is that our days get pretty busy, and we can easily miss each other in actually creating time to connect. If we can set up a routine for when it suits wherever we are on the globe to talk, then we are protected from time passing and us not connecting as much as we would like to.

3. Overcommunicate

Check in with each other, share your understanding about issues and your assumptions, your needs, and your struggles. This way you remain experts on each other, and you can feel supported even if you are across the globe. Be careful though, be reasonable in your expectations. Don’t put your issues on your partner, (take responsibility for your own issues) and don’t ask your partner to reassure you beyond what is real and realistic. This equals pressure and being demanding.

4. Send Sound Bites

My favouries – send sound bites through the day of things you want to talk about, share, random funnies, things that have happened. Just write ‘…’ and then the key word. Don’t explain, you don’t need to make sense, you’re just seeding your next conversation. So message each other ‘ …concert …Jason the cat …bakery …flight delay’. This is so great; you are telling each other that you are thinking of them in your day as things are happening and you want to make sure that you don’t miss out on sharing your ‘stuff’ with them. This keeps you connected in all the small stuff that is so important in understanding each other’s day-to-day life.

So best of luck, life can pull us in different directions sometimes. This doesn’t mean that you need to lose your connection. Just be smart about it, and keep prioritising each other.


Dr Kirsten Hunter

Dr Kirsten Hunter is a Clinical Psychologist of 22 years. She works with children, teenagers, adults and couples.

Kirsten has written 6 DIY psychology books (Signposts for Living) and 4 Child Psychology picture books (SQUISH Series).

Kirsten is the mother to 5 beautiful boys. Alongside her husband Jon, she loves scuba diving and getting lost in nature.

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